Paul's Letter to Ephesus

I have been making strides-bounds, really-in reading my Bible more often. Four lit. classes have tackled my time and roughed me up enough to have very little energy to read anything but scholastics. So, I have enjoyed reading through Ephesians for the dozenth time. The wonderful and awe-inspiring thing about the Word is its LIFE. It is always moving, lighting in spots I hadn't noticed before.

Chapter four, verse seven states: "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift." Further, ending the chapter, Paul writes, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (31-32). Wow. First we're given gifts-unique gifts-and we don't all enjoy or use the same ones. Where I'm not as patient, a brother or sister is over-patient. When I achieve giving well-thought-out advice to another, someone else might struggle there. My mother-in-law is an awesome listener. She never makes you feel as if you're boring her. I can tell her how a clown of a customer said so-in-so and she'll keep on listening. Eventually when I shut up, she interjects a reasonable and better angle as to what they might have meant. I love my mom-in-law for that, but honestly, I just love her for using her gifts so well. Christ must be proud.

When we go into the world, are we being like the world, or are we merely passing through? Do we let others pull us down to levels that are way lower than we should ever sink? I will wake up tomorrow and go to work at a job I don't necessarily care for, but I know I'm doing what I can to care for my family. It's not much, but I know my tests of patience and endurance rest there. After reading these passages, I think I'll have a better outlook on those clown customers. They're just people who need Christ the way I do. We children of God have gifts that are begging to be expressed. We also have an obligation to be tenderhearted to the lost. We mustn't hold back our forgiveness for pride's sake. If we're to claim Jesus the Christ as our Savior-Savior from the darkest blackness that Hell can provide-then we have to forgive. He forgave us our sins-our absolute worst qualities in our worst garments of poverty-and He gave us life again. We can at least follow His lead by forgiving others of simple mistakes.

Father, Faith, Fasting

My dad's still not well. It's been two.five years now and he's worse than I've ever seen him. His depression has seeped into every crevasse of his life. The anxiety has continued to push him into places he wishes not to go. My brothers and I are extremely alert to his fluctuating moods; generally they're bleak. So that's my father.

My faith is ever stable and never wavering, but I'm still sad. Of course I'm sad. My father-the best man in my wedding-has a "disease" that can't be cured by simple solutions. The Lord our Father has worked His will throughout this entire situation, yet we weak men don't see the outcome for His glory. It's hard to see anything optimistic or good, but our faith stays tough.

I think I'm going to fast. My father-in-law, my best male friend, recommended fasting as a reasonable and New Testament way to approach what's ailing my father. I need the help of those around me to accomplish such feats. I've fasted before, but it was for my personal relationship with God. Any ideas on how to humble myself enough to be noticed? Ugh...I feel so dirty in these rags.

What Is It?

What is it about Faulkner that makes me cry?
What's in the words, the lack of sentences, the bulge of repetition?
Who bore such a man to create a different kind of southern style?

When did Poe realize he was beyond help?
How did he have enough courage to enter the House?
What if the pendulum swung twice more?

Dearest Camus, what's in Algiers that spurs you on?
My friend, Al-bear, did the plague not spread further than the walls?
Did the taunting of the man deserve the many shots fired?

Hated Ellis, I hate you.
Why did your fingers dare ruin my innocence?
How dare you ruin the only thing I had left.

Brother James, how your epistle spares me much heartache.
Moses, I thank thee for the beginning.
My Lord, Christ, blessed is Your revelation.

I'm No Determinist, But What of Eli's Existence?

Thanks to Mom Rhoden's awesome call to watch our son as our primary caregiver, Cari and I got out last night to spend some time together without school or work. A conversation came up that we usually dance around and it was Eli's life. We cannot express-and I doubt we'd ever be able to speak such words-how much we love our son. We just can't. We do wonder what our lives would be like without him, though. Would I be at a different job or would Cari? Where would we be living? What friends would we be close to without a child to play with theirs? I guess it's anyone's guess but we like to play "What if?" from time to time.

I love these types of discussions because they're so rare, and I love talking with my wife for she's so brilliant in keeping the fire burning. We found ourselves wondering if Eli's existence could have been avoided...or if God's providence that he be born by the exact means undergone overrode our own plans. Now, I'm not to be misunderstood and say human beings-created sinners that we are-ever override God's plans. The Lord has seen as far forward as time exists and as far back as the first tick of the proverbial clock. He transcends time in that He is Lord of that creation as well as His others. I struggle with how I believe in the freedom of the will/choice and how the Almighty views our wills in regard to time. Does He look down the corridor of time and see the Hitlers from the Mother Theresas? And if he sees them, how does this affect their salvation?

I guess what I'm working through is how God allows us to procreate and not Divinely make us have children. Was Eli's birth at the exact second he breathed extra-womb air predetermined using Cari as the carrier of such birth, or could we have waited another year to have a different child? I love these mind-twisters and the mysteries of God because it means I care so strongly to know the character of God. He has allowed me so much and still He's giving in the area of knowledge and curiosity. There's no pride here, though, because I simply strive to know my Creator for His glory.

Here's another fun thought: I fully believe there could never be another one of us as we are now, based on when we were born. Eli couldn't have been Eli if he were born any time later or earlier. He would be different than who he is now, for better or worse. How does this work with what I'm desiring to comprehend? The Bible mentions how God opens and closes the womb (a verse or phrase I've forgotten so many times but wish to memorize) at His desire; so does He use time, freedom of the will, we the agents of the child, and our happiness to this advantage of childbearing? It'll be interesting to know these answers one day, but of course then it won't matter as it does now.