As The Wind Blows

As the wind blows, my refund check is spent. It's almost comical how quickly our money flees us when we need it to stretch further, but when one thinks about it, the point of money is to pay for things we aren't willing or can't make ourselves. I can't make more money, but I can spend what's been given to me. This semester I received three grants that overpaid for my tuition and books, leaving our checking account bulging. To get to where we are, though, Mr. Credit Card came to the rescue on more than one occasion. So about the amount I received for school and overage paid off the credit card, leaving my checking account at an all-too familiar low and the credit at zero spent.

The reason this non-dramatic story is making it to the blog is two-fold: for one, I should be doing school work and this seemed more appealing; two, this ALWAYS happens and must be stressed in black and white. Pretty much every cent and dollar have gone to bills for operations or every-day expenses. "Get another job, Justin," some say. Yes, this is a terribly good idea and yes, I just might take your advice. When I ask where I should work to bring in more cash, these voices full of advice leave me all alone.

Now one might scold me for thinking such things. They might even kick me right in the head, knocking in some much-needed sense. I can only hope that before the blows come to head, I can explain. Though my family of three seems to have the ill-est of luck saving or holding onto money, we've never struggled so badly that we were poor or even to the brink of insanity. Does this mean God loves us more than the poor? Nonsense! It means whatever it means, but it doesn't mean I'm angry or bitter. HE has provided so many times for us in times of stress and pain that I'd never have the breath in me to begin to say, "God hasn't provided for us."

The Lord Almighty has brought me from death's cold hands on at least three major occasions in my life, two of those while married. Okay, so "three times" isn't accurate. I've been in car accidents, nearly drown while surfing in a hurricane, was almost bitten by rattlers and cotton mouths while fishing, and had run-ins with some pretty cruel people. Twice my appendix gave me the jolt out of normality I didn't need, and one time...well, that time shan't be recorded anymore. He has provided. How many times have I walked and could have died in so many gruesome ways? Might I have fallen by virus or lightning? I was nearly struck on two reality-striking occasions by the light from the sky. Five feet is just too close to be burned.

With all these things in memory, I would never think to say He hasn't provided. If I have one of those days where I forget these things, maybe I'll imagine what spikes through my wrists and feet would be like. Or what about my flogged body against splintering wood? I could try to imagine pushing off my nailed feet to breathe, only to fall back against the wood post and repeat the never-ending painful movement. Whenever I think about the friends I don't currently have, maybe I'll remember how they fled and left Him alone to be taken prisoner. It's all nonsense to think so selfishly.

Thank You, my God, for the money you provide for my family. Even more, thank You for redemption.