Happy Holidays?

The holidays are supposed to be happy, right? For our poor friends, the Landons, they've run across more bad luck than usual. Jeff found out that his pastoral position isn't needed any longer at Cross Pointe. Even the Children's Ministry Director is being let go. To say I'm disgusted is merely a side note, for this reeks of trouble. How is a church to go on without having a director for the children? These kids count on volunteers and Ileana to learn about Jesus in a safe and comfortable environment. Now I don't know what they plan on doing without her.

The more I grow up, the more I understand these confusing moments in time that don't make sense. True, by giving up the two positions of leadership they'll save a lot of money. But what about the dedication they've shown? A month's severance? It doesn't seem right.

Madison, Jeff's daughter, came down with a virus the other night and hasn't been eating or drinking. The sweet girl looked so tired and out of it Sunday night when we and the Wilsons visited the Landons. We pray Eli doesn't catch the same virus but as it's been a couple of days, we're pretty sure he's in the clear. Madison should be released from the hospital today, said Jeff, but it's still in the air. At least they still have their health insurance. And at least we continued our "Charlie Brown Christmas" tradition with friends.

I guess I'm arguably tired of these types of anguish. Lately I've become bitter against the world for its atrocities it keeps pumping out. This morning the world found out Britney Spears' sister is pregnant...at 16, I think is what they reported...16! Good job, older sister: show her how it can be to be washed out and famous at the same time.

We have such a task in this world-this one shot in history-to teach our children the best ways to do things and to also apply those ways to our own lives. We have to do what we ask of them. Cari mentioned that a way we could better ourselves is to read Eli the Bible while giving him his night milk. What a wonderful idea!, I thought. Then we'll be getting in our own readings. It breaks my heart to think he won't like to read when he's older, but as my father-in-law remarked, he'll probably like/love it if I show him that I do. This isn't to say that reading is the only thing I'll show him, but it should be the most important "hobby" because it's one of the best ways to comprehend God's character.

All that to say, I've rambled enough. Now we're heading out to have lunch with Adam and Amy and then on to more Christmas shopping. Surprise, surprise!

Too Difficult To Reason

For those who lose loved ones, how do you cope? I know how to get through a funeral of an uncle or great-grandmother, but what about the babies that never breathed outside the womb? I struggled through my two hamsters' deaths, but how do I express the love I've lost for one I never met? I've cried for friends and family, but will my tears ever end this special one?

I feel so selfish for exclaiming my sorrow when there are others who feel the pain innumerable times over about this circumstance. Cari and I have tried dealing with this situation over the past couple of days and we keep coming up with confused looks. Why sometimes God calls a young one home (I don't even want to get into the theological aspects too deeply here) before the time we feel they should have is beyond me. I don't have it in me to answer the tougher questions like these.

I guess the whole reason I'm posting such an awkwardly indirect piece like this is to explain my love for Christ, first. He is good to us in ways we can't comprehend. Sometimes babies aren't strong enough to make it and it's best their lives be stopped then. If my hope is true, these babies will be with the Heavenly Father forever.

To our friends, we love you. We're forever with you and we can't describe our feelings of sadness for you. One day we'll not cry nor feel pain. One day we'll worship at His feet and forget these past lives of pain and heartache. Until then, we pray for continual friendships and love between our families. Again, we love you.

What's With Musicians?

What's with musicians these days? Since when did they become political activists? Come on, Bono, what injustice did you release into the world with your "Sunday, Bloody Sunday?" Pink's new song disgusts me! Why do I know if it? While spending time building a book tower with Eli this morning we were skipping around from "Saved By the Bell" to "Fox News" and to the "music channels" (they barely play music videos these days: another irk). First there's the Pink video, named something to the effect of, "Mr. President." Okay, so now someone with that hair is telling me and millions (billions, really) of people that our president is basically the worst person ever? I'm sick of these adolescents and young adults publicly announcing the "sins" of our President, a man whose position allows him respect and strength. I know if a Democrat is elected next year, I'll gnash my teeth and cry. I'll cry but I'll allow that person (it used to just be "that man" but with Hillary, well...) respect unless they don't deserve it.

Maybe that's where these "rockers" and I differ in our views. They think President Bush can wave his hand and terrorism will be gone and we can all live in a neo-hippie state of peace. Pass the bong, man? Nah, I don't think so. We can drive hybrids that supposedly get awesome gas mileage and ride our bikes. We can carpool and turn off our unused lights. Let's even buy energy saving materials and accessories for our homes. Let's scoff at Gore's hypocrisy and angrily shake our fists towards the private jets that ruin our skies. Let's join hands and then when we let go, sanitize them with hand antibacterial soaps. But let's not for a single moment be rude and send hate messages to the President of the United States.

How hard would it be to be reading to children and hear the Twin Towers were flown into by our own planes? On top of that, the President had to hear it was a terrorist action, something he had good reason to believe had potential in our borders? Let's see ANYONE ELSE do with what he was handed what Bush did that day and the days to come. As the band Live sang shortly after, "Where were you when the world fell apart?", where were our supporters for democracy on that fateful day? Why do we pay attention when some smug teenager sings about the injustices of American politics or some immature 50 year-older who is trying to relive his anti-Vietnam days while sneering through his cigarette? Come on, people! Don't we realize the serious outcomes of spitting in the wind? The world's problems won't be remedied by music videos detailing mass genocide or, as I also saw this morning, Linkin Park's rioters being fought by government police.

I'm sick, sick, sick of Americans fighting Americans in this way. Why is love for mankind only for those without American citizenship? Can we not love each other as we love the stranger? In light of Camus' ideals, this is absurd! This is the truly ludicrous and ridiculous. We give illegal immigrants more justice than the border patrolers and local police officers. We give more money to sports stars and idiots with microphones than the brilliant minds who discovered medicinal remedies to the world's worst epidemics. What about the authors whose writings are more powerful than the largest bullet? "The pen is mightier than the sword," said Edward Bulwer-Lytton. Earlier than he, Euripides said, "The tongue is mightier than the blade." Are we so deaf to think our words don't have consequences?

I guess all my rantings have come from inside my gut where I let these issues grumble. Finally, like the fated cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum, this blog has been exposed to such words of anger and impatience with our American culture. I wish-I pray-that Christ's return is a quick one. Though I love my life, my love (Cari), my beloved (Eli), I'm overly done with the most free nation being so stupid with its freedoms.

Reading Schedule

So lately I've been reading a lot more secular books than Christian-based ones. I feel bad and I wonder if it's the Holy Spirit speaking to me to get back on track. It's like this is the only thing that's been on my mind as of late. I LOVE reading but I dislike feeling guilty for reading Albert Camus or Jean-Paul (Baptiste) Sartre. Isn't all truth from God? Am I not able to still enjoy other reading?

I've come to a conclusion thanks to many good thinkers around me: I'm going to make it a point to read my Bible and theology at least four times a week. I know, I know-I should be reading those sources a lot more than that, but it's a rational and logical start, and I'm all about rationality and logic.

Other than making myself anxious about reading, things have been pretty calm. I've come down with some sort of sore throat/sinus infection combination that's terribly annoying. I can't even sleep in my own bed next to Cari because of my scratchy throat and runny nose. I'm exhausted all of the time and I feel as though I can't concentrate on anything. If you know me at all you know I'm a terrible listener and payer-of-attention, and I'm also the worse in the memory department. Thanks to this illness, I'm worse by far.

Anyway, other than complaining (which is also my specialty) I'll leave you with good wishes for the holidays. Au revoir!

Eli's First Birthday Party

Elias James has a birthday coming a week from today, but we had his friends party last night. It was so much fun and I think the line, "It's (his) party and (he'll) cry if he wants to" might be appropriate for our sweet boy. He was so tired the entire week being dragged around from party store to Target and back to another store with a party theme. Finally yesterday was his day to shine and see all his friends.

The list of people is as follows: my parents and Mimi, the Wilsons, the Hataways, the Corteses, the Landons, the Bergs, Cari's parents, and my brother, Tim. Auntie Nana came later just in time for Bocce Ball, provided by the Rhodens. We had a blast getting to see all our friends and catching up with each family. We're immensely blessed for a major prayer answered with them all. When Cari and I were dating and engaged, we prayed for a group of friends who were close in age and situation (children, married, just-engaged, dating, etc.). We have all of these facets in our friends. Most have children, and the ones without are deeply in love with their spouses, and more importantly, deeply in love with our Christ. We've never been happier to be around such wonderful and gracious friends.

Eli got to play with his buds in the hay we had stacked in the backyard lined with small pumpkins (compliments to Great Aunt Brenda and Great Uncle Bill). They crawled through the soft grass after one another in search of blacker dirt on their pants. We took so many great pictures that hopefully Cari will put on our Picasa site. The birthday boy also got to enjoy his cupcake with orange frosting. Finally, before we attempted to put him down for a nap, Eli opened his awesome gifts from the gang. Elmo is now the "thing" Eli loves the most, especially the Tickle Me Elmo X-treme that my parents got him. Honestly, though, the guitar and spiral toy that the Hataways and Landons (in order respectively) gave him have been hits, as well. Thanks to the Corteses, Eli will look sharp at church or a wedding in his beautiful attire. It's funny to see him try to ride the horse with lights and sounds that Mimi gave him; he thinks it's going to go further than it does, and when it doesn't, he growls as if to say, "Faster! Yah, yah!" Cari and I even got a Chili's gift card from the Wilsons that we intend to use for a date night or two.

We couldn't have asked for a better turn out or party. A few people couldn't show up and they were missed, but overall, everything went so well. Cari really has to be complimented on her skill at throwing fun parties. She first held my surprise birthday party this January, and now another perfect and fun time was had thanks to her. We appreciate, also, all the hard work and dedication from the Rhodens for opening their home to fellow Christians who desire God first in what they do. We couldn't have had the great time we did without their spacious house and backyard. To anyone I missed for helping, thank you. It's sometimes the people in the background that do the most.

In the end, I thank my Lord for gorgeous weather and the best friends and family a guy like me could ask for. We've been blessed so many times over by His ever-giving hands, and He gave us a day to remember forever yesterday. The fun thing is we get to do it all over again next Sunday with more family and Karis being here to eat cake and spend time with Eli. I'm sure there will be another post on that party.

Pumpkin Patch 2

Alrighty, we're back from the patch and it was great! I wish we could have stayed longer but since it's Florida, even the fall weather can be hazardous to any baby's health. We faced the heat and took dozens and dozens of pictures, so here's one for now.

This is Eli staring off to his right amongst his orange friends.

Initially we were going to let Eli choose his first pumpkin, but he was more interested in playing with hay and pieces of grass. We grabbed one and hopefully we'll carve it soon.

Pumpkin Patch

So we're heading to a pumpkin patch today. I, like Kim, LOVE THE FALL AND OCTOBER AND HALLOWEEN. Why all the caps? 'Cause.

Cari did some awesome detective work and found a close pumpkin patch that doesn't charge admission and appears to be interesting enough to hold Eli's attention. We're taking our camera and hopefully will load those up later so to show off our chubby monkey.

Last night at Sonic Burger (is that it's name?) we went out with the Landons for the five-for-five deal they have. I ate three and Cari one, but she could've eaten more. We got flavored drinks (Cari had something put in her Sprite and I had cranberry in my Coke); they have the best ice. We all got to talking about children and when each couple would try for a second. Madison was sleeping at the time and Eli was eating his puffs and Cheerios. Sitting there in the cooler weather (still in the eighties) made me wish we were in the position to get Eli a sibling.

Sometimes during the conversation I felt as if I slipped out my mind's back door and went into another room to think. Am I not relying on God's providence when it comes to raising my family? Should Cari and I just proceed to be a married couple and allow the One we lean on to work His will out in our children? It's so difficult to know what to do and when.

So many years ago people relied on God in ways that simply humble me. They looked to Him for guidance in where they would work or lay their heads; simple people who turned to the Lord for relief from pressures and their own proud ways. When I'm proud or arrogant, I turn to God; for some reason, though, I have a harder time letting go of my own reasoning when it comes to my family. I guess this is how I learn to grow in Him.

Well, Eli just woke from his nap so it's on to the wonderful day off with my two favorite people. Maybe soon we'll have those pictures posted!

So...Eli ate tar. What's tar, you ask? This is how Encarta Dictionary describes it: "tar-thick black liquid: a thick black liquid obtained through the destructive distillation of an organic substance such as wood or coal." Let me explain.

Our chubby monkey has been cutting a tooth for about three or four days now and has been as cranky as those old men who complain about the cost of milk "nowadays." We went to the beach to wear him out a little while getting us outside in the gorgeous weather we've had lately. We weren't there too long before he needed his milk, and trying to build a sand castle with a ten and a half-month child is difficult, to say the least. We saw earlier that he had a little tar on his thumb as he stuck it into his mouth, but thought he picked it up earlier. Sippy cup in, sippy cup out...tar. There was an amount that both horrified and sickened me at the same time. There was tar on the entirety of the roof of Eli's mouth, yet he cried because he was being restrained from drinking his milk.

Three lifeguards and two EMTs later and we were at the hospital on the inner-coastal. Eventually we made it through triage, and the casual jean-wearing doctor and loose-lipped nurse/technician held Eli down to swab out the nasty black junk in his mouth. We felt so badly for him because they had to restrain him for a few minutes while they got as much out as they could.

In the end we learned a few things: Eli will put ANYTHING in his mouth; Cocoa is a great name for a red rat-looking, homemade bear given to patients; and a hospital isn't the best place for an eighty year-old receptionist when we're frantically trying to find the ER entrance.

All in all, God in all His name's three letters (ironically {but not really} also "I Am") is a God who not only holds up the very universe from collapsing on itself; holds me back from punching out people who push me too far for loving Him; but is also the One who saves, saved us the trouble of a lot of mourning while keeping Eli from harm. Again, and always such a pleasure, I'm humbled and thankful for His mercy.

I Wish I Wasn't So Selfish

I wish I wasn't so selfish. No, I don't wish to be a shellfish, nor will I sell fish, but I wish I wasn't so selfish. This story involves an elderly woman, immense sadness, and a rejuvenated joy. Get to the point already? Sure, here goes.

I nearly didn't write this post because I was afraid it'd come off sounding like I was a high school dramatist wearing black clothes that are too hot for Florida weather, all while drinking McDonald's coffee, frowning at my choice of this drink over always-reliable Coke, wishing there really were Starbuck's restaurants everywhere like in the movies or post-modern novels.

The other day I was working and doing what I could to put gas in our two vehicles, mocha frappuccinos in our bellies, and diapers over Eli's butt. Something drew my attention to two women who were silently and gleefully shopping for what appeared to be nothing out of the ordinary. There she was, the most depressing and horribly sad expression for a human being that had passed my vision in never-too-long. I say never-too-long because there's no amount of time that needed to be counted in this sort of occasion.

This woman, this...creature that God had made with His precious hands...she nearly toppled me and crushed my kneecaps with her appearance. I don't get this-I didn't understand what about her dropped me as happened, but there she was. Elderly describes her age, but what of her other features...her hair billowed, like an alto-cumulus cloud that has gone white in fright of lightning. Her glasses were homely, strangely perfect for her face...nothing else could fit her as these glasses did. This woman's skin drooped slightly, gravity winning its hold on her years. The mouth: small, quaint, really, home to warm air that breathed slowly, yet always ready to speed up in case of trouble. Then there was her posture. She slumped as most older people do, but the crescent that made her back won't leave my mind's eye. She held on to the shopping cart as if her entire life has climaxed into never letting go.

I have saved her eyes for last for my heart needed time to prepare to recall all that I remember. There's no logic to my memory of what this woman looked like, but the eyes...those starry and innocent eyes. What is it about the eyes that crush me like a can under a tire?! One eye of this incredibly sobering woman was lower than the other, but only because the eyelid of her right eye lost its fight to gravity far before the left. Instead of porcelain or maybe off-white, her lower lid allowed the redness within her eye to come out, showing what most people would selfishly think to be gross or in need of medical attention.

There's not a lot that I fully grasp in life. I have a hard time comprehending friendship, love, hate, and patience. I don't quite get life as it opens before me. For some reason, I do understand this woman's beauty. My flesh says she's unlovable and not pretty in any sense of the word. My soul-my very spirit driven by God-calls to her in a hands-out kind of way saying, "You ARE beautiful! You are the innocence I thought was gone forever."

As all these descriptions and thoughts harshly flooded my brain and heart, she was gone, as quiet as she came. Before I lost her forever, this old woman floated along behind her lifeline, the shopping cart, shyly making her way through my world as wall flowers usually do. Her pressed lips were so tiny, but I distinctly heard her say to me and only me, "Don't let them see me this way."

Oh God! This is true, I understand it now. This is how You look at me. Well, before your Son took me by the hand with me saying, "Please, don't let them see me this way."

As The Wind Blows

As the wind blows, my refund check is spent. It's almost comical how quickly our money flees us when we need it to stretch further, but when one thinks about it, the point of money is to pay for things we aren't willing or can't make ourselves. I can't make more money, but I can spend what's been given to me. This semester I received three grants that overpaid for my tuition and books, leaving our checking account bulging. To get to where we are, though, Mr. Credit Card came to the rescue on more than one occasion. So about the amount I received for school and overage paid off the credit card, leaving my checking account at an all-too familiar low and the credit at zero spent.

The reason this non-dramatic story is making it to the blog is two-fold: for one, I should be doing school work and this seemed more appealing; two, this ALWAYS happens and must be stressed in black and white. Pretty much every cent and dollar have gone to bills for operations or every-day expenses. "Get another job, Justin," some say. Yes, this is a terribly good idea and yes, I just might take your advice. When I ask where I should work to bring in more cash, these voices full of advice leave me all alone.

Now one might scold me for thinking such things. They might even kick me right in the head, knocking in some much-needed sense. I can only hope that before the blows come to head, I can explain. Though my family of three seems to have the ill-est of luck saving or holding onto money, we've never struggled so badly that we were poor or even to the brink of insanity. Does this mean God loves us more than the poor? Nonsense! It means whatever it means, but it doesn't mean I'm angry or bitter. HE has provided so many times for us in times of stress and pain that I'd never have the breath in me to begin to say, "God hasn't provided for us."

The Lord Almighty has brought me from death's cold hands on at least three major occasions in my life, two of those while married. Okay, so "three times" isn't accurate. I've been in car accidents, nearly drown while surfing in a hurricane, was almost bitten by rattlers and cotton mouths while fishing, and had run-ins with some pretty cruel people. Twice my appendix gave me the jolt out of normality I didn't need, and one time...well, that time shan't be recorded anymore. He has provided. How many times have I walked and could have died in so many gruesome ways? Might I have fallen by virus or lightning? I was nearly struck on two reality-striking occasions by the light from the sky. Five feet is just too close to be burned.

With all these things in memory, I would never think to say He hasn't provided. If I have one of those days where I forget these things, maybe I'll imagine what spikes through my wrists and feet would be like. Or what about my flogged body against splintering wood? I could try to imagine pushing off my nailed feet to breathe, only to fall back against the wood post and repeat the never-ending painful movement. Whenever I think about the friends I don't currently have, maybe I'll remember how they fled and left Him alone to be taken prisoner. It's all nonsense to think so selfishly.

Thank You, my God, for the money you provide for my family. Even more, thank You for redemption.

Reconcilliation

Last year ended strangely. First, through a lot of hard work, Cari had Eli in November. I don't think there has been a happier day in my entire life (other than meeting Cari and marrying her) than when he was born. Thanksgiving and Christmas soon came and went, but these holidays were different than the others. Because Cari was recovering from the labor and getting accustomed to having a baby to feed every two hours, it was difficult for us to get around and mingle. We told our families that we were going to go to their houses for a little while and head back home sooner than usual. My mom sees holidays as a big deal and it must've been hard for her to see us for so short a time.

The days after Thanksgiving were hard because they started a downhill portion of my family's relationship with my parents and brothers. Once Christmas was over, New Year's probably was the last holiday for awhile that there was much talking between the two families. Not even I really know how the silence lasted so long, but for about nine months I didn't talk often with my mom and only so often with my father.

I tried reconciling with my mom but it was too early (even though three or four months fled before our eyes) to get much out in a non-convicting way. My dad was always good about asking when we were going to talk again, but to no avail. I just didn't wish to get back into the mix with my family. I liked having dinner with my father occasionally and leaving it at that. My brothers' attitudes were very discriminatory and accusing towards me. They took my mom's side because it's the only one they heard. I had no intentions of violently confronting them, but I made my side known through short contact.

Finally, last week, my dad had dinner with us and helped us to see it was time for another true shot at being a family again. For my brother's birthday we went over to the house and started off pretty well. Before long, though, I heard the sarcasm in my mom's voice and I bit my tongue not to reply in the same manner. Eventually things got better and the night survived our visit.

I guess the whole reason I'm writing this is because I've not really thought much of the party since it and it's "nice" that everything went okay. I guess it's nice. Who am I kidding? Maybe it's nice. I'm trying to keep a strong sense of accomplishment but at the same time, weariness. Do people really change? I guess time will tell.

Bananas in my hair!

Hey everyone! Justin and I have had this blog site for a while now but I have yet to write anything on here, quite honestly I had forgotten we even had a blog site. So... I thought tonight would be a good time since my two loves are fast asleep.

Random thoughts: When Justin and I were living in our apartment we used to always play Tag. We would run around the apartment trying to catch one another while trying not to run too hard so we wouldn't disturb our downstairs neighbors, however, I didn't really care about bothering them because I found them to be rather rude. We still occasionally will play Tag, but tonight's game was the best of all. Briana even got involved in this one. I do not recall what started the game but somehow bananas were introduced. We all three chased each other with Eli's left over bananas. Justin successfully smeared bananas all through out mine and Briana's hair. But I wonderfully crammed and smashed banana all inside Justin's ear!!! An hour later he found more crusty banana on the back of his neck! My hair is still crusty by the way... and my neck, and my arms, and I just found some in my ear as well. I need to take a shower.

Before Justin and I got married he had lived by himself for a year, and before that he had lived on his own with roommates for a year and a half or so. So, needless to say when we got married and I moved in with him he had to adjust to someone in his personal space again. He was extremely patient with me and welcomed me with open arms to his once bachelor pad. I was taking a shower soon after we had wed and I noticed that his shampoo, conditioner, and other miscellaneous bottles were all perfectly facing label out, in the same exact direction, neatly closed. I began conspiring. I simply turned one bottle, label out, just facing the other direction. Later, Justin enters the shower. I had forgotten about what I had done till I heard "Cari?!". "Yes?" I answered. "Did you use my shampoo?! Not that I care, but I was just wondering!". I laughed! Then one day I saw a stack of Tic Tac mints neatly organized in a pyramid. I removed the top one. It took him about three minutes to notice. I spent the rest of our days in the apartment purposely rearranging his belongings simply to amuse myself. I'm thinking I should pick that habit back up again, it was a fun one! I also loved to hide behind corners and jump out at Justin and hear him shriek as he exclaimed he knew I was there! Yeah, sure! My favorite scare was when he was in the shower when I got home from work early. I had a cold and had no voice so I didn't bother popping my head in to tell him I was home. When the shower turned off I realized I would probably frighten him since he didn't know I was there. So, I went into the bedroom and sat on the bed, I don't know why I thought that was less scary. So, Justin comes out of the shower wrapped in a towel and walks into the bedroom. He saw me and just started screaming!! He even stopped to take a breath in between screams! I just sat there with this completely innocent look on my face that said "I'm so sorry"! Even as he stared at me he continued to scream. I ended up laughing hysterically! Keep in mind I had a cold, I could not talk nor could I breathe through my nose, which almost led me to pass out! Justin has given me tremendous laughs since we've been married, unfortunately most of them were at his expense. But those are the moments in our marriage that I can look back on and always smile and laugh about with him. Justin is wonderful, he completes my life!

Eli: He is such a boy. He eats whatever he finds on the ground. Grass, dirt, shoes, dog food, bug wings...all of my energy is spent chasing him and taking things out of his mouth. He also now thinks it's belly laughing funny when he burps or passes gas. I can't help but laugh a little too when he does it! He also has ZERO fear or perception of heights. The edge of the bed means nothing to him! I now change his diaper on the ground instead of the changing table since he thinks the changing table is meant for gymnastics. However, the floor isn't much easier. As soon as the diaper comes undone he takes off crawling and sitting wherever he can in the room, gross. He also likes to put his thumb in his mouth after EVERY SINGLE bite of food and then proceeds to smear it all over his face, so messy.

Needless to say, Justin and Eli are the top two of my most wonderful joys! I'm so proud of Justin for making the Dean's list at UCF, his hard work truly pays off. He's extremely intelligent and I am excited for the day when he is a professor and can share his knowledge with others. Justin's life is busy. He works full time, goes to school full time, is a husband, and a father. He manages to still somehow spend time with us and make our days off together fun. I am proud of Eli and the accomplishments he tackles every day that he is growing. He's a curious little boy and I'm thankful for that, I think it means he'll be smart like his daddy. I love them!

Hello, fellow bloggers. Once again a longer period of time has gone by since the last post, and again, I hope to update more often. Kim actually has re-sparked my interest in this particular outlet for one-way conversation (before comments, that is).

Cari is still a great mom; nothing has changed there. She's making more efforts in doing things with her friends, especially other moms. I used to feel so bad for her because it was difficult to go out with Eli as a newborn babe. Now, with our son growing up so quickly, she's able to connect with other moms and friends from her past.

Eli has bore one tooth so far, but its progress is grass-growing slow. Actually, here in Florida grass can grow quite quickly, so maybe Eli's tooth is growing slower? Yes. He's keeping everyone busy by pulling up on chairs, stools, couches, or someone's leg, all while doing what we all do and heading sky-bound. I sometimes can't remember my life before Eli; the times I can are unsettling and I'd rather not recall many of those memories. Though, on that note, I do miss times staring at Cari and not wishing to remember times before her. Can we just forget our pasts? Are the pasts of people certainly the backdrops for something monumental? Do all my wicked and dark nights merely fall away to the saintlier and light-filled days?

These strange thoughts aside, Eli has brought us unimaginable joy. I find myself misty-eyed when my mind hovers over his face or the simple things he brings to my life. I know I wouldn't be the man I am without his very being. I know I'm not much of a man-who is, really? If one is chosen to be "much of a man" by others, I wish I could be as they are: memorable and inspirational. That to say, the man I have become is odd and confusing, and yet, I'm at peace with most of the choices I've made. For the baby boy who has captured my heart with net and trident, I wish I could give him more. I also wish I could give my wife a house with a yard to which we'll hire workers to keep it short and green. I wish I could set out a cooler with ice-cold drinks for those workers, paying each person for the labor they've done for me, having friendships with each of them. I wish Cari could wave hello to them and tell Eli to say hello; he'll of course do as mommy tells him, with sincerity in his heart because he knows the Lord's kindness. I wish we could walk to a lake and cast a line or two, fishing from a clean, sandy beach. From here my wishes become more and more selfish; instead, they should be prayers of a hopeful future for the family I've taken on.

Now Eli is coming after me and the laptop; oh no!

For me, school has been incredible. It's been difficult and hard to chew, and at the same time, it's been worth it. Or has it? The time I spent reading and writing and reading some more could have been used with my two loves...three loves. I gave up reading the Word all summer and I've paid a high price. My faith has stayed the course but my interests have strayed. Instead of God being my best Friend and the warmth in my bones, I've sacrificed Him again and again for papers graded with an A. What lengths we men go to as we run from our God to find something that doesn't exist. We're searching in vain for everything we don't need and forgetting the very Person we couldn't live without.

All these regrets and queer remarks have climaxed into a much-needed release of daily hints that I need Jesus the Christ, Savior of the World, now, Now, NOW. Do you remember the day you felt this way? If not, oh, I wish you could.

What's New

I haven't written on here in awhile, so I thought I would tell how our family is doing these days.

So far Cari and I have grown a lot more in the past month. I don't know what hit us, but we decided to make more time and give more attention to our relationship. Maybe it's now with Eli sleeping through the night that we find most convenient to spend together. Even if we don't get into deep conversations or play games, just being around my wife makes me content. I would love to go through a book with her, so maybe that can happen once school slows down.

Eli has been growing like a weed-a fat weed. He's right at 21 pounds, 6.5 months old. Right now he's crying because he doesn't wish to nap, but we've found that if we don't rush to him every time he cries, it actually does him good.

School for me has been strenuous to say the least. I'm exhausted all of the time, but I'm learning how to be patient.

That's about all I have to mention now. Hopefully there will be a more extiting post later.

We're So Happy For You!

Like the title hints, we're so happy for you, Godins! I think, if there were a medal for people happiest for another baby in your family, we'd get the gold. We love you and your family! We also pray God blesses every second of your family through this emotional time of joy.

Swing Thoughts

Oh, how parenthood is difficult! Ha ha, what a way to begin an entry. I figure other parents can empathize, even if they don't comment out loud. Isn't it funny how our sons and daughters know when we really need to do something, yet they want our attention right then and there? I was typing up my resume for a possible new job (thanks for the opportunity, Jeremy), and Eli decided his morning nap would only last as long as it took Cari to lie down for her nap. So here I am wondering how to invent more arms (like Doc Octopus, eh?) so I can type, keep Eli occupied, and gently pull my hair out at the same time. Finally, as always when I seek His wisdom and time, God took my hands out of my hair and led me upstairs to take my son outside for some fresh air. There on the swing, I noticed how green the grass was and how black the soil appeared. I then began contemplating if anyone can ever think of enough questions about God. From that mindset (Eli was sucking his thumb as his REMs [rapid-eye movement] slowly rose), I wondered if God ever gets bored.

Let me pause here and somewhat help the reader understand my ramblings. When I hold Eli, my thoughts turn to God even more than when I'm alone or talking with Cari. I think it's because I'm still stunned that an ex-mess-up like me could have had a part in making a child like him. When I kiss his soft hair or stare into his grey-blue eyes, I don't just indulge in his existence, I fall in love with his character.

From that slight pause, I'll finish up so you can get back to checking your mail or the many other things you do online. Wondering if God gets bored, I tried laying out the query in front of me in the grass. On one side, being bored is something that human beings hold as a point of view. We're created in His image, not only (or merely) physically, but more or less with morals and character traits. We hold dear many of the things God holds dear. On the other side of the coin, being bored is mostly a negative trait. It shows impatience with a set stance on something. Well, God doesn't own negative qualities, so is that a slam-shut case that God doesn't get bored? Maybe.

Looking at God's character even further, we have as an example that Christ rebuked His disciples (Peter on numerous occasions), and even asked them rhetorically how long He had to put up with their misunderstandings of His kingdom. This, though, is not a case for Christ's being bored or impatient, but, I think, a frustration that it took these men so long to grasp His mission and revelation. I mention this story to hold fast to God's enduring patience.

Before Eli started stirring, I came to the conclusion that God could not become bored because that would limit His attention, His patience with creation or within the Godhead, and that would be extremely against His character. It's amazing how the Spirit reveals these thoughts to us in moments of peace and understanding. I need to remember these qualities when I'm doing something "more important" than being with my son. I say this soberly: there isn't a thing in this world (other than my wife) that is more important than he.

Our New Van!

Hello, all, we bought a new van. What kind, you ask? The 2007 Hyundai Entourage, I answer! After nearly being duped by Universal Hyundai, my father-in-law called around and found a better deal than the first up in Sanford. Hurrying up there, after much time negotiating and putting our feet down in protest, we got a price that fit our desire.

Who says babies can't drive cars? Well, okay, they can't drive cars, but what about vans?!

Eli Eats and Swims

Eli has grown up so quickly! Cari and I got to feed him organic sweet peas the other night. At first he didn't seem to like it the way he ate the rice cereal. He finally swallowed the horrible-I mean, delicious dinner and hasn't seemed to mind it as badly since then.

Today, with the thermometer boiling at ninety, we felt it was time for our chubby monkey to go into the pool. Thankfully the Blairs have a swimming hole that's warmer than most others, and it appeared to be just right for Eli. He never really made any reactions that gave us an inside understanding on how he felt, but at least he didn't hate it. Towards the end of the fun, I noticed Eli was floating all by himself. I guess his belly will never let him down, literally.

Men of God

Before I write on the main subject, let me first thank God for my wife. Usually I'm thanking Him for her for the love and respect she gives me daily; the lunch she made me at 11 p.m.; the errands she runs for our family; or even the way she helps Eli in learning new things. Tonight, I'm thankful for the time she allows me to get closer to God through the men at our church. Even after being with Eli from early this morning till I got home around four, she kept taking care of our son while I was home and out the door going to a friend's house. I love my wife, but not just for these reasons. I love her because she's the exact person I'm supposed to be with, and because she is my much better half. She knows my thoughts as I'm conjuring them up, and when I fall apart and fall down, she uses the strength Christ allows her to pick me back up, dust me off, and comfort me. So, thank you, Carissa, for being so perfect as my wife and as Eli's mother.

All that to say, as Cari was changing a diaper, I left and went to Mike's place with Jeff. When we got there, Mike informed us that his radiator was slightly cracked; then I informed him that I didn't know what that meant, lol. I'm not much for the mechanics of vehicles. Mark showed up later and we all talked, discussed the things of God and politics, and watched an episode of "The Office." That show is terribly funny!

I think tonight I realized even fuller that our local church doesn't have to be perfect. We Christians should strive for perfection in Christ, but it takes time. Not every one is going to know theology to the level I wish they did. Not every man is going to lead their family the way the Bible promotes they should. We're not all scholars or teachers. We're not all good with children or groups of people. I wish I could say I was as patient as Jeff or as loving as Mike. I wish I had the fire to learn like Mark or the leadership like Jay. I, though, am not these men. I am a person who is not usually patient, but I strive to be. I don't like too much fun, but just enough. I could talk about God every second of every day and never burn out, but others around me might not want to. I have to realize that the body of Christ, our church, is full of different people with different gifts and different desires. I need humility like rain needs water: rain is water, so I should be the very essence of humility.

I thank our Lord for bringing these men and their families to my family's life. I am thankful that we've been placed in theirs, as well. I pray I'll never have to leave my friends, but the thing I look forward to is what I set my faith on: for eternity I'll know them, my brothers, and forever we'll praise God's name together.

The Heltons Go to Firestone

The days finally wound down to last night's concert. Cari and I headed to Club Firestone after I got off from work. At first I was surprised that my wife even wanted to accompany me to this shindig, but I am so glad she did.

We didn't know what to expect when we got there but we quickly made our way around the club, checking out the local "cause" of the local charity, tee-shirts, and finally the upstairs hangout where we stayed the entire concert.

The first band we thought was going to play was Meg and Dia, but for unknown reasons they didn't show. So, the concert kicked off with Jonezetta and they were great!

Their music has a neat sound, like there's a keyboard but no keyboardist. I figured they were playing over a track, but it was a sweet way to start the show, anyway.

Then, after a quick start, they were done and it was on to Bayside. It was so cool that Cari mentioned she really liked them, because if you know Cari, she hardly mentions liking music at all. :) When this band went on, the mosh pit started going, and Cari started giggling. Cute stuff.

Finally, the reason I even got up yesterday morning, ANBERLIN took the stage!!! They tore up the stage with all five members going crazy. Stephen Christian was all over the place; even in the crowd. People practically idolized him as he stuck out his hand to grasp the crowd members' hands.

They played nearly all their good songs, even my two favorite songs from their new album, "Cities." I couldn't get over how great a night it was with my favorite girl and band. It truly was one of the best nights this year! Sorry you couldn't go, AJ, but we thought of you...at least most of the time! :)

All pictures are from to Purevolume.com.

Visiting Jupiter

My family and I went down to Jupiter, Florida today to visit our cousins Rachel and Jason and their son, Austin. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we had the best time down there. In our family, we try to see a variety of wild life on our trips and every bigger trip we've taken as a family (Monterey Bay minus Eli, St. Augustine, the Brevard Zoo, and now Jupiter), we've seen some interesting animals.

After playing six hours (?) of a video game with Jason and the girls giggling all night, us adults joined the baby boys in sleep. We ate a hardy breakfast at Too Jays (thanks again, Jason!), and it was on to the sea turtle awareness/rehab center. Before entering there, we six visited the gorgeous dark sands and aqua-colored water that made up their beach. This is where Eli first touched the cool ocean water, and he even joined Austin in playing in the sand.

Post-beach we headed to the center to be awed at the center's kindness to take in these sea strays. There was one in particular that made me hold out hope for these defenseless beauties. His name was Jonah, and his tale is that he was spit out of a fish that was caught by fishermen, all while he was just a hatchling. He came in weighing around an ounce and is currently just under eight pounds. His name is derived from the fact that he was spit out by a "large fish."

I'll not claim to know the first testament very well; a sad fact for someone who loves God so very much. But, as most of us know the story of the Biblical Jonah, he disobeyed the Lord and tried to flee from God's command for him to call against the Ninevites. This was a wicked and unruly people, and yet God cared enough for them to send a servant to proclaim His name. When I think of this challenge for Jonah, it troubles me to think of what I would have done: go to these people and probably be killed, or flee the presence of the Lord, repent another later, and maybe get away to see another day. Honesty clings to me like my skin, so I say I would lean toward the latter answer.

Why am I sticking a Sunday school lesson in the middle of a great sea turtle story? The reason, my friends, is because we all need wake up calls when God is concerned. We can see through every facet of our Creator's work and see His glory, His beauty, and His everlasting mercy to a people who fell and should have been left to perish...but were brought back to life by a Son of the Most High.



If you've known me for long, you know I'll use any excuse to talk about God, and here's yet another reason. Staring down in that shallow pool was my son, being held by his loving mother. I saw more than that picture today. I saw a love that can't be broken, shattered, lost or forgotten. I also saw a turtle who should have been killed so many times but lived to make my family (and countless others) smile. Finally, I saw grace extended to all of us who fear and love our Savior.

It's a terribly pressing thing, this love. When you get a hold of it, you never want to let it go. More powerfully, when He gets a hold of us, He will never let us go.

Eli Flips Over

This is a picture that makes me so proud of my son. I have a hard time believing he's over four months old, flipping over, and about to eat cereal tonight. Looking at the intent on his eyes brings tears to mine. "I'm going to turn over," he thinks. "I'm going to make my parents so happy." And he does.

Our First Blog Entry!

Hey everyone, we're the Heltons and we're finally on the blog scene! Thanks to the Rhodens (Jeremy and Catherine) for your blog; we enjoy yours so much that we also wanted to keep our family and friends in the loop as you do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JEREMY!

We took Eli for his four-month shots today and he did quite well for the pain involved. He's now 18.3 pounds and just over two feet long. We can't believe how big he's gotten in the last few months, and he seems to have somewhat leveled off for the past month. The exciting thing is the milestone we're at: he can have solids (cereal) now! Tonight we hope to take pictures and video of this momentous occasion.

Since this is our first post and I'm rusty with a journal-type forum (long live Live Journal!), we'll end it with some ideas for the future of our blog. I know I'll (Justin) post a lot on theology, our men's group, church, and things of that nature. For Cari, she desires to write about Eli's accomplishments that she sees first (because she's at home with him) and many other random subjects. We're so happy to share our thoughts and memories with whoever wishes to read them.

So long!
Justin and Cari